Dating my spouse

And I made logical excuses for him: He grew up using the subway; hed learned to drive, in Paris, only the previous year. He was doing really thoughtless things and I knew he wasnt a thoughtless person.

Its not that there werent little red flags everywhere; I just didnt know what they were. We tried counseling, and the therapists just loved to hear our stories: They could tell we loved each other and they were thoroughly entertained by our problems, but they just couldnt give us any good suggestions.

My husband is a brilliant scientist, and I had never dated a scientist before I met him. When we first started dating, he used to miss our exit all the time when driving down the freeway in San Diego.

The first time he said it was because he was so excited to have me in the car with him.

Yes, and it can be as sudden and dramatic as a light switch going off.

Some people with ADHD can get really fired up during courtship; the experts call it "hyperfocusing." They meet a new person, they want to be together all the time and have sex all the time, and they pursue their new love like crazy—but then once theyve "got" him or her, once that dopamine stops flowing, they cant help but move on to a new obsession, like a video game or yet another hobby. But my first inclination is to always do things holistically.

Thats why the official name is AD/HD, with a slash, to indicate that the hyperactivity is optional; that its a subtype of a larger condition.

My husband has what I call "stealth ADHD" because I always thought he was so relaxed; his eyes werent even ever open all the way when I first met him.

Today she runs support groups for people with ADHD and their partners, and her book Is it You, Me, or Adult A. ADHD tends to create problems with driving because it involves concentration on so many levels.

Even if someone is employed, they might be missing out on promotions or raises because theyre constantly in trouble, missing deadlines, or getting bogged down with little details.

The third thing is just the unreliability of a person with ADHD.

My mother is Italian, and we grew up eating healthy foods, drinking lots of water, and not taking medicine unless absolutely necessary.

So with my husband, at first I thought, "It must be his terrible diet." I gradually encouraged him to cut out his coffee and sugar, and then we tried an herbalist, an acupuncturist, various supplements, more exercise, and so forth. I was amazed what a difference medication can make when its prescribed properly.

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